The psychology of language: Which words matter the most when we talk

Facial expression, brevity and avoiding adjectives in speech

Smiling – the highest positive emotional gesture

One of the most important ones that researcher Andrew Newberg uncovers in his book “Words Can Change Your Brain” is facial expressions that we carry.

“We know that smiling is a very powerful gesture; we were doing a research study looking at different symbols, and the symbol that was rated with the highest positive emotional content was the smiley face. The painting of the Mona Lisa is one particular example of that feeling of calmness.”

Talk no longer than 30 seconds in a given conversation

Another element for how we can process language is the number of words there are for us to process. Of course we know this as somewhat obvious and yet it’s always a great reminder:

“The human brain can really only hold on to four things at a time, so if you go on and on for five or 10 minutes trying to argue a point, the person will only remember a very small part of that.”

Instead, 30 seconds is the optimal amount for us to speak at any given time says Newberg:

“Speak briefly, meaning that you speak one or two sentences, maybe 30 seconds worth or so, because that’s really what the human brain can take in.”

Avoid adjectives in speech and writing

Something I struggle the most with is to stop using adjectives. They are, in fact one of the worst elements of speech and even make a listener or reader lose trust.
Writer Kim Peres explains:

“Using single words to describe actions and objects quickly brings them to mind. When someone “stabs” a straw into their drink we see it, but “pokes swiftly” is not so clear. When a person “meanders” it is more accurate than “walking slowly”. A man whose foot is described as a “hoof” is much more vivid that having “gnarled toes and sole”.”

Reading this, hit me like a rock and couldn’t make it any more clear I think. Peres goes on to explain that “too much unnecessary text induces skipping”, which shows how detrimental adjectives can be.
What we easily forget on a very high level is that using less words builds trust. So any words that don’t convey meaning can erode our readers and listeners interest. I think this is one of the most important elements I want to keep reminding myself of.

3 of the most important ideas when we use words every day

The skill of asking questions: “What would you do?”

When I read this, I realized, I totally suck at it. One of the best journalists and now turned entrepreneur Evan Ratliff put it like this “all that’s really saved me (so far) from madness is being able to formulate questions that deliver useful answers.”
He points out that any questions that start with “who,” “what,” “where,” “when,” “how,” or “why” are likely to get great responses. To be avoided are “would,” “should,” “is,” “are,” and “do you think”, as they can limit how people respond to you a lot. To give an example:

Good: “What would you do?”
Bad: “Would you do X?”
Terrible: “Would you do X or Y or Z or Q or M or W or … ?”

His advice is to practice questions that begin with the 5Ws in order to have more meaningful conversations.

Removing “is” from your language

This next one is super interesting. Alfred Korzybski, the creator of General Semantics was firmly convinced that the ‘to be’ verbs like “I am, he is, they are, we are” promoted insanity. Why? Quite simply because things can’t be exactly equal to something else. Douglas Cartwright explains further:
This X = Y creates all kinds of mental anguish and it doesn’t need to because we never can reduce ourselves to single concepts. You believe yourself to have more complexity than that, don’t you? Yet unconsciously accepting this languaging constrains us to believe we operate as nothing more or less than the idea we identified ourselves with.
Read the following list of examples and you’ll see immediately how different the outcome of the statements is:

• He is an idiot vs. He acted like an idiot in my eyes
• She is depressed vs. She looks depressed to me
• I am a failure vs. I think I’ve failed at this task
• I am convinced that vs. It appears to me that
•  

 

You, Because, Free , Instantly, New – The 5 Most persuasive words in English

In a terrific article Gregory Ciotti researched the top 5 words in English. His list is not suprising and yet the research behind it, is extremely powerful.
“You” – or your name is something that’s so easy to be forgotten and yet so important for great communication:

“Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” ~ Dale Carnegie

“Free” – Gregory explains Ariely’s principle of loss aversion. All of us naturally go for the lowest hanging fruit and free triggers exactly that:

“Because” – Because is probably as dangerous as it is useful. Creating a causal relationship is incredibly persuasive:

“even giving weak reasons have been shown to be more persuasive than giving no reason at all.”

“Instantly” – If we can trigger something immediately, our brain jumps on it like a shark, says Greg:

“Words like “instant,” “immediately,” or even”fast” are triggers for flipping the switch on that mid-brain activity.”

 

Quick last fact: Make three positive comments for every negative statement

The last tip, that surprised me a little comes from Andrew Newberg. His research suggests that negative arguments have a very detrimental effect to our brain. We need to pay particular attention to not let them take over and working agains them with this 3-to-1 ratio:

“When you get into a dialogue with somebody to discuss any particular issue, a three-to-one ratio is a relatively good benchmark to think about; you wind up creating the opportunity for a more constructive dialogue and hopefully a better resolution.”

reference-http://blog.bufferapp.com/The most persuasive words in English  The psychology of language